No two people are exactly alike, and my two older brothers, Nhan
and Hung are no exceptions. Even though they have the same
parents, there are considerable differences in their __1__ and
attitudes toward life. Like the majority of Asian men, Nhan is short,
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small, and has a full moon-shaped face. His smooth white skin and
small arms and feet make him look somewhat delicate. __2__ Nhan,
Hung, who is his younger brother by ten years, looks more like an
American boxer. He is tall, muscular and big-boned. He is built
straight as an arrow and his face is long and angular. __3__ their
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attitudes toward life, they are as different as the moon and the sun.
My eldest bother Nhan is concerned with __4__ values. He believes
that a man should be out of the competitiveness of life and should
not depend on material objects if he wants to be happy. So my eldest
brother never tries hard to make money to buy conveniences like car.
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Hung, on the other hand, believes that each person must compete
with other people in the world in order to acquire different
conveniences, such as cars, washing machines, and television sets.
So he always works hard to make his own money to satisfy his
material needs.
You’re driving on the freeway and a reckless motorist cuts you
off. According to psychologists, you have three choices. You can
vent. (Scream, “You moron!”) You can turn your anger inside. (Tell
yourself, “It was my fault anyway.”) Or you can wait until your temper
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cools and reflect. (“Some people just don’t drive safely.”) You may
not choose the last option, but studies show that you’d be healthier if
you did.
The second choice, burying your anger, has negative effects.
For instance, a 1986 study found that people who regularly quashed
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their anger were more than twice likely to die in the next twelve years
as people who recognized and expressed angry feelings. Besides
causing physical ailments, suppressed anger can cause emotional
problems. If you feel resentful but don’t do anything about it, you’re
apt to take it out on an innocent party. In time, such displaced anger
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can wreak havoc on your relationships. And it can lead to depression.
What’s more, you let the real source of your anger off the hook.
“Anger is a typical response to a threat,” “Deny it and you give power
to the threat.”
The first choice, venting all the time, isn’t the answer either.
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Long-term studies at Duke University found that people who respond
to anger in a hostile manner and who see others’ motives as
unfriendly have an increased risk of heart disease. They suffer a
higher death rate in general.
So, are you damned if you do, damned if you don’t? Not really.
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The key lies in selecting what you will express anger about. “A lot of
us get aggravated by petty things like traffic, says Dr. Redford Smith,
a professor of Duck University. “If you go around looking for things to
screw up your life, you’ll find them.” Instead, recognize that annoying
things will happen. But try not to take them personally. In other
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words, always pick your battles.
Mrs. Andersen lost her earring two weeks ago while walking by
the sea. Then last Saturday, Mr. Waldemar Andersen went fishing in
the same place. He caught a cod fish and took it home. While he was
cleaning it, he found his wife’s gold earring inside the stomach of the
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fish. “I couldn’t believe my eyes,” he said.
Mrs. Andersen had this to say: “Think of all the fish swimming
around there and that the same cod that swallowed my earring
should bite on my husband’s fishing hook a week later. It’s
incredible.” Waldemar said he had not realized he was fishing from
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the spot where his wife lost the piece of jewelry.
